Posted by Stella (140.192.18.47) on February 06, 2002 at 14:49:54:
In Speech, Bush Calls Iraq, Iran and North Korea
'Axis of Evil" --
N.Y. Times, 1/30/02
ANGERED BY SNUBBING, LIBYA, CHINA SYRIA FORM AXIS OF
JUST AS EVIL Cuba, Sudan, Serbia Form Axis of Somewhat
Evil; Other Nations Start Own Clubs
Beijing (SatireWire.com)-- Bitter after being
snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil," Libya,
China, and Syria today announced they had formed the
"Axis of Just as Evil," which they said would be way
eviler than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis
President Bush warned of his State of the Union
address. Axis of Evil members, however, immediately
dismissed the new axis as having, for starters, a
really dumb name.
"Right. They are Just as Evil... in their dreams!"
declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody
knows we're the best evils... best at being evil...
we're the best."
Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over
being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if
they could join the Axis of Evil.
"They told us it was full," said Syrian President
Bashar al-Assad. "An Axis can't have more than three
countries," explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein.
"This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II
you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So
you can only have three. And a secret handshake. Ours
is wicked cool."
THE AXIS PANDEMIC
International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil
declaration was swift, as within minutes, France
surrendered.
Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain
triumvirate status in what became a game of
geopolitical chairs.
Cuba, Sudan, and Serbia said they had formed the Axis
of Somewhat Evil, forcing Somalia to join with Uganda
and Myanmar in the Axis of Occasionally Evil, while
Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the Axis of
Not So Much Evil Really As Just Generally
Disagreeable. With the criteria suddenly expanded and
all the desirable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El
Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the Axis of
Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be
Asked to Host the Olympics; Canada, Mexico, and
Australia formed the Axis of Nations That Are Actually
Quite Nice But Secretly Have Nasty Thoughts About
America, while Spain, Scotland, and New Zealand
established the Axis of Countries That Be Allowed to
Ask Sheep to Wear Lipstick.
"That's not a threat, really, just something we like
to do," said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack
McConnell.
While wondering if the other nations of the world
weren't perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush
granted approval for most axes, although he rejected
the establishment of the Axis of Countries Whose Names
End in "Guay," accusing one of its members of filing a
false application.
Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied
the charges. Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't
want to join any Axis, but privately, world leaders
said that's only because no one asked them.
Copyright б╘ 2002, SatireWire.