Re: Letter from AMCWWAUA to President Bush

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: : To sinur pancho : : I was very excited to get your letter that I stopped playing with my new Lego gift and wanted to respond to your letter immediately. But I remembered that the one who can use the computer, and can write letters is my Dick Cheeny, : ***Now see, that´s what I mean Sir. Most of us got over naming our privates years ago. My momma called mine Dingus McPhee...but if you want to calls yours a Cheny, go ahead, only I think it´s time you left off such things all together. : : since I graduated from Yale without attending a class, thank to my Daad. : : The problem my Dick is no were to be found, : ***Well now Sir...that´s altogether a different sort of problem...but I can tell you it aint in Iraq. : he was hidden in a cave in Alaska to save him from the Evil Doers. : : See some one has decided that my Dick is more important than me for the survival of the republic, and all the securities, and armies we have can not protect my Dick from Ben Laden second largest army in the world. : ***If once Bin Laden gets after your Dick...it´ll be over with for you. : So they hide my Dick, and send me to play Baseball in public. : ***It´s better than playing with your Dick in public. : : : I want you to Know pancho that I love Mexicano. I speak Mucho Mexican, my gardener, janitor, and my shoe shin boy are Mexican. Mexican to me are as dear as Negro were to my grandfathers. : : I also love Airaqis, those people from over there in Bazistan, I am planing to bomb the Airaqis after the Afghani so they do not think I discriminate, I learned to be equal opportunity hater from the Red Neck of Teeexsas. : : Of course although our bombs will fall on the heads of Airaqis Muslims, Christians, Airab, Azyrian, Calnedean, those funny locking people in North Airaq who look like Talban , but we do not mean to kill any of these people, we only want to kill the Evil Doers. : : Sure we killed 500000 Airaqi children, but that was a mistake, we admit our mistakes, what more do you want ? : : Any way it is time for noon nap and 2 hour break, I will get back and finish this letter soon. : : With Mucho respect : : La Presidente : : Bushito Juniorito : ***It was apleasure to hear from you. : : : : : : Pancho Parhad, Presidente : : : Assyrian Mexican Christian World Wide And Universal Army : : : PepitoAshur, Vice President : : : PepeSargon,Secretary Treasurer : : : Consuela Ramirez, Layson the Presidente : : : World Headquarters Rosie’s Cantina and Comfort Station, San Miguel de Allende, Mexico : : : : : : TO : : : The Honorable George W. Bush, Presidente : : : The United States of America : : : 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. : : : Washington DC : : : : : : Dear Sir, : : : What the hell do you think you’re doing. You think this is un beisbol game, you gonna hit the big homer and drown your ass in oil. Johnson lied before you and Nixon after him, and since you stole the damn election anyway why should anybody believe a goddamn thing you say. : : : Anyway, I didn’t mean to start off that way but really you do beat all. You can’t speak, you can’t write. You haven’t worked a day in your life, you got through college either asleep or wiggling your ass in front of a bunch of football players…a goddamn cheerleader for chrissakes…is this what America has come to. : : : I am writing to you, respectfully, in my capacity as the proud president of our Assyrian organization, maybe you heard of us. We are dedicated as much as anybody can be to the enhancement and furtherance of our Assyrian Heritage. I write to tell you our work is being hampered on account of you keep killing our people off in what used to be our ancient homeland of Iraq. I know you don’t mean to do it, and are probably as sorry as hell, and that if it wasn’t for the fact that we sit on top of just that many oil reserves as makes the profit for you boys at the end of the day, you wouldn’t be bothering with us at all…hell you wouldn’t know where Iraq was on the map if your wallet didn’t aim in that direction. : : : Still and all we are a dwindling ethnic minority and it seems kind of hard to get bumped off after having endured more horrible things over the last few thousand years than you ever did in college. Why don’t we sit down and talk things over. Me and the membership and executive officers and Layson are taking the Mexico Express bus to Washington later in the month. We will be available for consultation. : : : I know you’ve heard from the Assyrian American National Federation, the Assyrian Universal Alliance, Zinger Magazine and the Ganjettes, but I am telling you these boys don’t represent our people the way we do. We have by far the largest membership and have our finger on the pulse of our nation… when it aint in their eye, so to speak. We are a Grat Peepil, though some would misspell and misconstrue that phrase, and you probably didn’t notice it till I pointed it out to you. : : : Our best wishes to the missus and them cute little winos you got for daughters. We’ll call from the Bus station and you can send a car. : : : : : : Respectfully Yours, : : : Pancho Parhad, Presidente : : : AMCWWAUA

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