Posted by pancho from adsl-64-168-24-148.dsl.snfc21.pacbell.net (64.168.24.148) on Saturday, April 20, 2002 at 1:52PM :
Had an interesting conversation with him on the phone just now. A few days ago I wrote and told him that Francis Sarguis was at it again, that this time he was including Dr. Eden Naby, raising "concerns" about her achievements and status as well as more slights against that "cook".
Francis has gone one more step down that road...one step too far. These people think I am joking. They think playing Assyrian journalist or patriot is a hobby with the rest of us as well. Francis made it as a lawyer in the outside world, as he is making it as a Liar in here...thousands have before him and will again. What he wants to do is gain some distinction as an ASSYRIAN...for ASSYRIAN work,, and he can't do that anywhere else but in this kindergarten we call our "Community in The Diapers".
Both Narsai and Eden have brought honor and distinction to our Heritage outside of these Diapers and they, and those they may inspire, will do more of the same until the standard for what passes for Assyrian accomplishment will be lifted way beyond what a Francis or Wilfred or Dimrod and Golani can aspire to. This is their greatest fear...and this is what motivates Francis.
I include Wilfred in this because he gives Francis some semblance of legitimacy as a "thinker"...god help us...by allowing him to publish his nonsesne in Zinda, which is increasingly becomming the air head rag of choice among those of us happy in our Diapers. Then, when Francis sends his e-mails out in the night impugning the reputation of Eden and others, people are likely to give his lies and jealousies more weight than they would otherwise deserve.
Wilfred had an odd reaction...he said no one pays any attention to what is written in Zinda...at least that was the way it came out, in other words it's all no big deal, why be so "angry".
At one point in our conversation he said I was scum, opined that I must be on drugs, for what else could explain my erratic behavior...that I was become a laughingstock, had lost all credibillity in the Assyrian community...ruined my reputation as an artist...and flat out refused to believe that all of this came about because I said "no" to Jackie Bejan and her Flying Arse.
It IS incredible...but it happens all the time. I never thought it would happen to me. I've been hit on lots of times by women, older and younger. If you're a sculptor, living in New York especially or living with juvenile delinquents, working with lawyers, their secretaries, social workers and the rest...and if you come from my generation...it's happened to you a lot...almost too much.
It was no big thing and what Jackie wanted anyway was not a little meat between her thighs, just the satisfaction of knowing that she had gotten me to the point of committing, or agreeing to commit such an indiscretion...such a terrible indescretion...as a way of insulting my wife, among other things, whom she has tried to subtley denigrate, in my eyes of all people...and of whom she is jealous for many reasons we need not go into yet.
Those of you who have never had Jackie "lavish" $70,000 on you...who have never been invited to her home at all manner of hours of the day or night...whom she has never suggested spending a week end away together with, and who believe your own facades hide what you are...can be counted on to work like hell to maintain the notion that what a woman, or man, presents herself as, is really what she must be. To look past her pretenses, to question the benign appearance she presents to the world, means you might have to question your own, or seek to look behind things in order to get at what they really are.
Jackie is a low class, money mad, driven and ruthless woman who will use dead Assyrians and her own body parts to get what she wants. What she desperately wants is some legitimacy, some validation of the facade she knows she has to present because to be honest with herself and the rest of us would force us all to turn away in revulsion.
Wilfred told me I lost his respect long ago, and that he thought of me as the lowest of the low now. I told him I was greived...for him, not me. What loss could it possibly be to me. He said he was far better known in the Assyrian community...said it a trifle too desperately I thought...and said he was highly though of. That may be why he has to stay in the closet...why he has to tell us all about how many women he has here and there, but mostly in San Francisco.
Wilfred has as much at stake in maintaing appearances as Jackie does...has as much to lose if we raise our standards as Francis or Nimrod or Golani do. These people are mad to maintain appearances no matter what the reality underneath might be. This is why everyone reacts with horror at what I'm just staring to do with Jackie, and what I did with Nimrod and Golani. We cannot believe that anyone would tell the honest unvarnished truth, and not only do we refuse to believe it...we don't even want to know...like those Bishops and parents living in denial, and for basically the same reasons.
From other comments he made it's clear that he and Jackie speak often and that one major topic of discussion is what I am doing in our community. Wilfred assures me that I have no standing in the Assyrian community in San Jose. He will be as surprised as others are going to be. He also said he never reads here, that no one reads here or cares much what I say. I remember Jackie telling me in the beginning that "friends" would from time to time alert her as to some "cute" thing on the early forum thingie we had...or forward things to her. It seems very hard for our people to admit they read here, as if they are endorsing something...indulging in something they shouldn't admit to. I knew she was lying, that she was pouring over this site herself...as Wilfred does...as he will be doing more. he also said that I could write as I pleased, that ne never bothers, but that someone else might send him a thing or two...like this one maybe.
They are losing, and they deserve to. For long enough they have been the "movers and shakers" of Assyria, according to their lights. And where have they moved us to or what have they shaken us into? Does Jackie's extra heist at the San Jose convention deserve that many self-congratulatory pats on the back? Are they really that superior now to Chicago and Detroit because of that? And just what measure of anything is that? Do we want us to measure ourselves by which tiresome group rises to the top of a pile of shit?
It's not only more of the same, but worse because it is ALL a downward spiral and they care not at all so long as they maintain their hold on the "top".
When a "leader" among us wants to fuck someone, it is no big deal...we have several fuckers and fornicators and those who indulge in whoredoms...big deal. That it should be a woman this time should only come as a mild surprise. That the woman scorned should become a vindictive harridan shouldn't come as a shock either...that she would try to cause as much damage to the man who dared refuse her isn't that unusual either. Just as Francis'spreading his vile gossip about Narsai or Eden shouldn't surprise us too much...it's normal for us, as it is for most people.
What is really low, what has to be fought against...what has to be exposed and what is at the heart of our inability to rise above Atour Golani's knees, is this penchant for making the personal, political.
Jackie struck out at my work, not my "job"...but my life's work which is nothing less than promoting our name away from these crybabies and incompetants. She stopped the Shumrium cold because I would not commit whoredoms with her, as she felt emboldened by my seeming dependency on her to save the day and get Shumirum installed among other things...as John Nimrod did because I wouldn't allow him to use the Shumirum as another platform for his senility to lean upon.
These people do not have our interests at heart, neither are they working for "us". They have you all convinced that the best hope we have is to present these "stars" to the world, when we show anything of ourselves at all...and that these "stars" should not be tarnished in any way or else we as Assyrians will suffer. The opposite is the truth...these people are tarnishing our good name...as we can clearly recognize when we see what they are willing to do when they can't have their way, when they can't bend us and use us to promote THEM.
If Nimrod had been unable to use the Shumirum to promote the AUA, especially as the bastard hadn't done a thing but try to stop it, and Jackie couldn't get her brother to sing or me to fuck...and if neither of them would have stooped so low as to have used these silly excuses, and others, to block the monuments...those two girls in Chicago and countless others would STILL have benefitted from having the monuments installed. John could have held another rally, written another whang dang doodle report to the World and Jackie could have used a large broom handle.
But not Jackie and not John or Golani. To these people THEY are the monuments, THEY are the "best" of Assyria...THEY are the whole point and reason for the "work" they do for us...and we must be satisfied and relieved and glad even when a troublemaker like me is removed and the air made clean and the pathway safe for them to be your stars.
My work to expose them all, Wilfred included, isn't personal. Who in gods name cares what a Wilfred or Bejan thinks of them? We have no Muslims fighting us...there are no Turks to blame...the dead of the past should NOT be exhumed to give Jackie some lustre so she can impress some white people somewhere who recognize the kind of sleazeball it takes who would do such a thing, and invite her to join their staff and run for office.
We are being held down, kept down, razzle dazzled to death and ennui and carelessness by people who define "Assyrian" in such dismal and embarrassing ways as to send us all screaming into the night. The ones who remain, the ones who don't care, the ones who can't read or write or build or think and have no where else to go and who need to dwell in the reflected glory of a used car or two, stay behind and become the constituency of these leaders from hell.
These leaders are amateurs...Wilfred is not a journalist, is not an editor. He is a guy trying to put together an advertising rag, for the sake of revenue and to do that he needs readership...bodies. That's why he wants to remain "uncontroversial" and rushes a reprint into his rag about Narsai's son and other titilating smut...when he wont publish a reply, with documentary evidence, about Narsai and the effort Francis made to slander him.
You can see on his site this week, Wilfred asking if you would be willing to pay him ten bucks for a really nice printed version of Zinda. Once he gets the readership by giving you all pablum...he can take his "numbers" out to advertisers to get their business. He might even peddle you as a niche market, appealing to the makers of the Diapers and safety pins and pacifiers for the Assrin Peepils.
The advantage of not caring a hoot in hell what any Assyrian or anyone else thinks, not even to the point of "ruining" my reputation or sales, is that I have no reason to play games with anyone. I could care less what this does to my bottom line...just to the bottoms I am going to kick from here to Garbia and back for the pious lies and self-serving "work" they do...for us.
-- pancho
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