The Inside Assyria Discussion Forum

=> Cuando los angeles lloran [Reposted]

Cuando los angeles lloran [Reposted]
Posted by Deleted Messages (Guest) jeff@attoz.com - Friday, April 16 2004, 16:10:22 (EDT)
from 69.14.124.228 - d14-69-228-124.try.wideopenwest.com Commercial - Windows XP - Netscape
Website:
Website title:

Cuando los angeles lloran

Posted by Warrior Empress (Guest) - Friday, April 16 2004, 5:00:24 (EDT)
from 62.114.41.181 - 62.114.41.181 - Windows XP - Internet Explorer
Website:
Website title:

Hey all,

I am probably about to make a huge mistake by posting on here, and I will be doing what most of all you men hate, but a woman is about to express her deep inner angst and pain. And for all you Assyrian fuckers who know me and know my parents, and who read these posts but never reply, like the sneaks that you are, I am fucking over you. I am over the fear you all placed in my heart. I am tired of the attacks and the threats. You fuct me up at home by sending my parents death threats you Christian fucking nationalist assholes.

I am posting here because honestly I have nowhere else to go, no other cyber place, friends place, fucking anywhere, so its gotta be here. You know, I never thought I belonged anywhere. Not in my family, not in my fuct up catholic girls school, not even in my gender of male slave women dishing out every fetish they could with their feminine wiles. Call this a cathartic fucking fucking moment but I just need to scream out in front of all you Assyrians and have you for once recognize.

My life has been a constant search and at most times it has been pretty fuct. I guess I always had a revolutionary spirit in me somewhere, from rejecting to "confirm" my christian non-faith at age 11, to being an avid feminist, to a proud communist, to a whatever.

It feels like I keep fitting on new clothes for size but none of them fucking fit. There came a time when I started hanging out with Assyrians and even tho I was always labeled a freakin extremist, I fit. I loved that fucking space. I felt like I finally belonged and that in the least way possible some people understood the trappings of my mind and the intercomplexities of my often fuct personality.

After I travelled a bit, Latin America, Middle East, roaming all around the darkest spaces of the city, I found Islam. Then you all fucking rejected me. Only a few of you actually bore me, and Tiglath you were the only FUCKING one. You know what my parents did to me, and Nikko, and all the so-called brothers. I actually thought you guys were my protectors and friends for life. I know I wasnt the best example of a friend, most of the time I was blazed out on drugs. It took me seven fucking years to get off and I was only fucking 21. But still you stood by me. And now, I am so fucking alone. I hate this fucking country, I hate my fucking depressive, suicidal heroin addict husband, I hate my clothes. I have no intellectual, spiritual, emotional support at all. Not many contact me and when they do I just fucking lie and say ALHAMDULILAH everything is GREAT!

Everything is not great. Tiglath why didnt you write back to my emails? Don;t you care what is happening to me? I am fucking dying. You were one of the very fucking rare who actually seemed to understand me and to actually think what I had to say was ingenius and insightful. I miss who I was, as fuct up as I was, and I miss you guys. Nikko just played me as a traitor and every other motherfucking son of an assyrian bitch tried to hit on me. You knew how it was. Then there were the yuppies, who pretended they couldnt stand me and yet used to wine and dine me all around town for the sake of ASSYRIA. Fuck Assyria okay, I just need to be human.

Listen, I dont even know what I am fucking doing here. I am crying my fucking eyes out but I just want someone to listen. My husband is in rehab for the fourth fucking time in 8 months and I am in this house alone smoking my cigarettes. Will one of you write to me? Will someone just fucking tell me I am not a waste of fucking worldly space?

I used to write, I used to sing, I used to fucking be beautiful. I used to be intelligent. I used to be fucking someone and now who am I? Fred you seem like a very kind and wise old soul...won't you please write to me?



Un angel cayo
Un angel murio
Un angel se fue
Y no volveran...

__MANA



---------------------


The full topic:



Accept: text/xml,application/xml,application/xhtml+xml,text/html;q=0.9,text/plain;q=0.8,video/x-mng,image/png,image/jpeg,image/g...
Accept-charset: ISO-8859-1, utf-8;q=0.66, *;q=0.66
Accept-encoding: gzip, deflate, compress;q=0.9
Accept-language: en-us, en;q=0.50
Connection: keep-alive
Content-length: 4589
Content-type: application/x-www-form-urlencoded
Cookie: *hidded*
Host: www.insideassyria.com
Keep-alive: 300
Referer: http://www.insideassyria.com/rkvsf/rkvsf_core.php?.8CVY.
User-agent: Mozilla/5.0 (Windows; U; Windows NT 5.1; en-US; rv:1.0.2) Gecko/20030208 Netscape/7.02



Powered by RedKernel V.S. Forum 1.2.b9