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=> ah vanity...where is thy stink?

Posted by parhad (Guest) - Monday, February 23 2004, 14:31:02 (EST)
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...so we're putting together my art site...just to prove to the world what Assyrians DON'T do...and we come to my bio. I hate them like anybody else does and so I write out a sentence and the guys in charge think I'm being too modest...humble, you know...but I'm adamant though a agree to add another two sentences.

Now you'd think a guy as humble as that...and as pretty as I yam...wouldn't be vain about his gut...but, friends and neighbors I stand afore you today, gut and all...to admit mah follies an mah foibles...two DEADLY TWINS brothers and sisters and I want to WARN the REST of YOU not to tread the GODLESS paths of VAINTITTIES!!!...where I have taken MAH GUT!

the guys felt we should have a photo of yoors trooli...and we could do worse...so they pick one and it's a good shot and they dress it up nice and run it by me...and THEN it WAS, brothers and sisters...that the DEVIL GUT STRUCK!!!

says I...I'd rather not have my stomach leaping out of the doorway like it is in that shot...say that I was never fatter than the last year afore this one and that I've lost a size in my pants...getting chased on horseback and spending days in the police station and a stint in prison too will do that to you...and plan to slowly lose another one in a year and not look like a continent afire any longer...would they mind cutting the photo off just before my stomach leaves for across the street? I don't figure it's quite cheating cause I do plan on gettin there and how's about givin an old feller a helping snip?

Being the efficient guys they are they procede to electronically air brush my stomach away...or move the building over...I don't know cause I refuse to look at the result...though they tell me I now look like an advert for Viagra.

Then I come to my senses...tell them to forget the whole thing, that I'm as sorry as can be that I ever said anything...put my gut back to where it was...to where I PUT it! Like there aren't enough ways to be phony already I have to go invent a new one for myself.

Just hold your breath...like I should have done.

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