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=> missionary position

Posted by parhad (Guest) - Wednesday, February 4 2004, 11:48:54 (EST)
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how do missionaries do it?

When a sailing ship back when pulled up to a lush tropical island where the natives were sunning themselves naked on the beach and a boat brought to shore an evangelical man dressed in black with a Jew history book in his hand who proceeded to scold the warm brown islanders...it must have seemed to the natives that someone had come from outer space...and he might as well have.

What could be more foreign to them...or to anyone who didn't share that dismal history the Jews had where they went to bed crammed full of envy and woke up hungry from jealousy...surrounded on all sides not by swaying palm trees and warm breezes wafting over the crystal waves...but sand and sheepshit and the magnificant cultures they could only hope to work for, when there was work for them.

The missionaries had absoutely nothing to offer the people. The idea that the story of Jesus threw the people into a clothes-hunting fenzy is absurd. The natural thing to do would be to cook the fucker till he was crisp and eat him...so he wouldn't go to waste there with his idiocies about Moses and snakes and Nile rivers no one ever heard of...just as if they existed on another planet off somewere far away.

Missionaries couldn't afford to buy sailing ships...they couldn't afford much of anything. They usually were taken along on a vessel belonging to a king or queen to serve the purpose of keeping the sailors from buggering each other al the time and work the sails at least in between. If the "word of god" was rejected...as it always was and if the missionary became "martyred" till he was golden brown...the military arm had its excuse. The American system was called the "Three Ms"...Missionaries, Money, Marines. When the natives threw away the missionary's bones they also took his belongings, the tin bibles and whistles he brought to wow them with. Or they would attack and burn his silly church or garden. This "attack" resulted in lost property and money...terrible sins in themselves...and so, finally, what everyone was waiting for could proceed...the Marines would come in to "restore order", like the thief who breaks into your home wants peace and quiet so he can proceed unmolested...and they would do it with such vicousness that the natives would be cowed into accepting a Prince of Peace who knew how to kick ass and hang and quarter people as well if they refused his "perfectlove".

It's a fiction of the Church that missionaries were welcomed or did their work with quiet dignity till the native populatons were "naturally won over", kicking themseles for ever having been so foolish as to adopt any but a Jewish identity. Come on.

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