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=> the cannibal`s trial

the cannibal`s trial

Posted by parhad (Guest) - Tuesday, March 2 2004, 11:46:29 (EST)
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The cannibal and the judge

Court Clerk: All rise...case of State vs Cannibal will commence. Be seated.

...this is a trial before a judge, no jury. Defendant is accused of eating human meat and drinking human blood. He was caught doing it in his rectory.

Judge: the charge is "Cannibalism Two", in which you did knowingly eat human meat and drink human blood in that you were found consuming parts of one Jesus Christ...whom you claim wanted you to do it. How do you plead?

Can: Guilty but with extenuating circumstances.

Judge: And what would those be?

Can: It really wasn't meat and blood...it was wine and wafers.

Judge: Jesus asked you to eat wine and wafers?

Can: No, he said eat my meat and drink my blood...but he said we should find these things in wafers and wine.

Judge: Then you don't eat human meat and blood?

Can: Yes we do...but it isn't. Or rather its sacramental.

Judge: Did you say "mental"?

Can: No...sacramental. That means it's a sacrament...something holy.

Judge: Not in this city it isn't.

Can: Let me see if I can clarify...it isn't meat and blood until it hits my stomach...so technically I only put wafers and wine in my mouth...when it hit my stomach it became meat and blood. Is that better?

Judge: But why...no it isn't better. Do you or do you not teach cannibalism to your children?

Can: Not really...let me try to make it plain...I teach them that they must be willing to eat and drink human meat and blood to show their perfectlove and oneness with god's essence. Jesus wants them to do that...he never would have said..eat wafers and wine to be one with me...he said eat my FLESH and BLOOD to be one with me...it's just that there wasn't much of those articles left on him..so we eat wafers and wine instead...if I COULD eat him, I would...I love him so.

Judge: Okay...you DON'T actually eat human meat and blood? You just PRETEND it is?

Can: Well...no, let me try to clear this up....

Judge; (banging gavel hard) NO. That will do, no more explanations from you. I think I see where this is all going. I'm going to reduce the charge..."not guilty by reason of insanity"...Bailif please see defendent off to Bedlam. Next case.

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