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=> I refuse to condemn

I refuse to condemn
Posted by Jeffrey (Guest) - Saturday, January 10 2015, 8:07:00 (UTC)
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I refuse to condemn
Amer Zahr
January 9, 2015

I refuse to condemn.

I refuse to condemn ISIS. I refuse to condemn Paris. I refuse to condemn 9/11.

I refuse to condemn, not because I don’t condemn, but because you so badly want me to.

I refuse to condemn something that you don’t condemn because it’s so damn obvious that you condemn it. I refuse to condemn acts that are so clearly condemnable.

I refuse to condemn, not because I don’t condemn, but because you so badly want me to.

What is so special about me? Why are you so obsessed with my condemnation?

And who needs to condemn a mass murder anyway? Go interview the people that praise it. They should fascinate you much more than my condemnation.

Maybe you want me to condemn so you can discover where I stand. Maybe you want me to condemn so you can identify which team I’m on. Well, I’ll tell you. I’m not on their team, and I’m not on yours either. And see, I did all that without a condemnation.

I refuse to condemn, not because I don’t condemn, but because you so badly want me to.

And I should tell you something. I condemn them more than you could ever imagine. I condemn them in a way that goes way beyond a press release, or an interview, or a sound bite. My condemnation is not the same as your condemnation. Yours comes from “terror.” Mine comes from repulsion, nausea, and detestation. It is tied up in disgust, distress, and dismay. It is littered with fear, dread, and anxiety. My condemnation involves sadness, sorrow, and grief. You might just need a few minutes and camera to express your condemnation. I need a few years and a therapist to explain mine.

I refuse to condemn, not because I don’t condemn, but because you so badly want me to.

Asking me to condemn means you might think that I wouldn’t. It means that there is something about me, something that makes you wonder whether or not I condemn. You might get to wonder such things if I had made some crazy video, or I had given some crazy speech. But I have done no such thing.

I have no obligation to condemn. There is nothing about me that would even remotely suggest anything different. There is no evidence, except for the fact that I happen to celebrate certain holidays, however casually. And it sounds like that is enough for you.

I refuse to condemn, not because I don’t condemn, but because you so badly want me to.

I refuse to condemn, because you wouldn’t understand it in any case.

I refuse to condemn, because I’ve tried that before, and it doesn’t work. How do I know? Because you’re still asking me to do it.

I refuse to condemn, because doing so would mean that I agree that I deserve to be asked. It would mean that I agree that I should be suspected of non-condemnation. Condemning doesn’t make me “moderate.” It makes me less than the person asking me the question, who, as it turns out, is not starting out a very high level to begin with.

I refuse to condemn for your pleasure. I refuse to do it. I refuse.



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